Podcast transcript:
Embracing Family Through Adoption with Michele Katz
Introduction and Guest Welcome
Candace Dellacona: Welcome to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide. I am your host, Candace
Dellacona, and I have a special guest for everyone today. My friend and fellow lawyer, Michele Katz,
is joining us. We have Michele on the podcast today, not so that we can talk shop about being
lawyers, right, Michele? Um, right, not today.
We have an amazing story to share with all of you and to talk about Michele's passion, which has
resulted in the amazing Plus One Adoption Foundation. So we're gonna talk about all things
adoption today, and what Michele and her team at Plus One Adoption Foundation. Is doing for
people and families who are looking to grow their own family.
So thank you for being here, Michele.
Michele Katz: It's my pleasure and honor to be here with you. Thanks for the invite.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah, so excited. So let's get into it. For those of you who don't know, Michele,
Michele is a brilliant intellectual property attorney. We're in two separate parts of the country.
Michele is in Chicago. I'm here in New York City, as our listeners know. Michele and I have crossed
paths professionally.
Aside from the fact that she's a brilliant attorney, she is incredibly passionate about the adoption
world and the way in which adoption can really grow your family. So let's get into it and we'll talk
about Plus One and your background.
Michele's Adoption Journey Begins
Candace Dellacona: So we know you're a mom of four.
Michele Katz: That's right. So I have two boys and two girls. It's like where do we begin in this
storyline? 'Cause it is, it was quite a journey to get here. As it is for so many families. It's how are we
going to create our family for those that want children, right?
If I think back to when I first started thinking about adoption, I was in college. I was walking across a
field with my then boyfriend, now husband. It seemed like outta the blue, I said, I wanna adopt a
child one day. Literally, I said that to him. he said cool. And he just kept walking and I was like, all
right. So I just put a pin in that. And then when we got married and eventually we wanted to start a
family, we started fertility treatments. My husband is a cancer survivor, so that was part of our
history and I'm like, well, let's do both at the same time, and I kid you not. At 40 weeks we got a call
that our daughter was ready.
Candace Dellacona: So you're about to have a baby.
Michele Katz: Well, we did, we weren't pregnant yet. Okay. That didn't happen later. That happened
later.
Candace Dellacona: Got it.
Michele Katz: But I tell people like if you're, wanna increase your odds in whatever it is, right? We're
goal oriented women.
Candace Dellacona: Yes.
Michele Katz: Then I just ran things at the same time and my adopted daughter came first and I got
that phone call at 40 weeks, basically gestational. And we, two weeks later with a the first 12 months
for dummies, we hopped on a plane and we headed to Columbia.
Candace Dellacona: Amazing.
Michele Katz: Now, she was an infant. She was only four months old. She's now, just so you get
perspective, she's now 19 and turning 20
Candace Dellacona: Yep.
Michele Katz: And just this summer she interned at the orphanage we adopted her from.
Candace Dellacona: Oh my gosh. I love that.
Michele Katz: So she got to go back. She got to get her file because at 18 it becomes accessible to
you. Once it's you have the wherewithal to try to figure out those steps and we thought, you know
what, it's easier. Go down there. It's college, summer, let's beef up that resume, work on your
Spanish. And really for so many reasons it was such a great idea for her to go down there. We've got
very good friends that she stayed with and she did a month long internship there. And of course now
we're at the end of the summer. She's back at school and right before she left, I did a 30 minute
interview with her, which I'll talk about later. We'll get posted in the Plus One Adoption Foundation.
Candace Dellacona: So that's how your journey began
Michele Katz: that's what all began. That's what all began then.
Adopting an Older Child
Michele Katz: We have a blended family. I ended up carrying two boys after that and we joked like
we wanted another girl. We clearly don't make girls, so let's go back to Columbia. All right, so that's
of course we're fast forwarding many, many years. We did go back to Columbia. Just imagine it's
December of 2019. We have no idea what's ahead of us as far as COVID and all the things. And we'd
already done the baby bag, the bottles, the diaper. We'd already done all that and we thought, okay,
let's adopt an older child. And we adopted a little girl. Well not so little eight years old. And that was
a totally different experience. This is where the seeds were planted for the Plus One Adoption
Foundation. So it was a very different experience when you adopt an older child. You in our case
anyway, we spent more time at the orphanage and it was a different orphanage than where our
eldest was adopted from.
So we we'd already done the paperwork all that, but you end up spending more time there. Okay.
She being eight years old, we were working on certain, language barrier, acclimation, things like that.
It's different. It's a little bit different as you can imagine. If you were an 8-year-old girl and you're
meeting these people for the first time.
But I will tell you then we, when we met her, she ran and jumped into our arms. We were able to do
like a call before like a Zoom type call before. And we sent her a book of pictures of the family, that
you can make online. And we sent that down. And so she was able to get to know us a little bit. Just
to give people a little bit of, in insight
Candace Dellacona: Yeah,
Michele Katz: into how that works, at least for in our situation. And then we were in country
working on the rest of the paperwork and court, getting everything official. Everything's quite official
there in Columbia, and so
Candace Dellacona: And what's the timeframe for that, Michele? So you arrive in Columbia and how
long were you in country?
Michele Katz: Only two weeks. So, you know, I let, that's not very long.
Candace Dellacona: no.
Michele Katz: And so we were, we got home December 31st, 2019. And she'd never seen snow
before. She'd never been on a plane before. When we left the orphanage just to get to the hotel we
were staying at, she asked, are we in Chicago?
I'm like, no, honey. And we showed her the map and everything. And it's just so hard to understand
as a child sheltered, like really hadn't had that kind of exposure to anything international. And
contrast that to our first adoption where there was a strike. We speak Spanish in the house, but at
that time with our first adoption, my Spanish, I was new.
I was definitely newer, much newer to Spanish and I knew the word huelga, like who knows the
word strike in a form. You know, we're like that word. I knew the first time around because there
was a strike and I was there for nine weeks.
Candace Dellacona: Wow. Okay.
Michele Katz: With a baby. And that, that's a whole nother, that's a whole nother podcast. But all
that is to say is I do think the universe evened itself out with this two week in and out. Okay. And we
made it home before New Year's, and it was snowing. So if you could imagine, we pull up in the taxi
to the house, and as we're walking up the stairs to get to the front door, she's grazing her little
fingers along the stairs to touch the snow, and then went in and then we showed her to her room,
like her room. I don't know if she had ever had her room before. She was sharing with my eldest.
The two girls were in the same room together, but we, that was also intentional, so she didn't feel
alone.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah, what a beautiful picture that, that, sort of an image that conjuress for me
and probably for all those listening.
Founding Plus One Adoption Foundation
Candace Dellacona: And you've made this very intentional decision to have adoption for you be a
choice as opposed to the quote last option. And I know that that was the origination of Plus One
Adoption and the foundation so that you could flip the switch and really change up the dialogue
about adoption.
Can we talk a little bit about that piece and how, your mission with the foundation is to provide the
resources to the family. So let's talk about maybe how you founded the foundation and what you do
for families now.
Michele Katz: Absolutely. So it was because of that time spent in the orphanage that I was seeing
other children that were available. Not everyone's available for adoption. Some are working out
certain family dynamics and, but many are. And do people know that they're there? Is there a way
we can streamline this so that these kids don't wait as long as they do?
And then and same with parents, prospective parents or parents who are trying to expand their
families via adoption. Make a choice. And so I'm, and I'm seeing this, I'm seeing all these kids running
around and doing, like arts and crafts projects and playing games and all that, all the things. And I
thought there's gotta be a better way, there's gotta be a better way to ensure that the process can
be faster and cheaper and to get these kids in forever homes. So we get home, she starts school.
Then it's shut down. Everything shut down.
Candace Dellacona: COVID, right.
Michele Katz: right? COVID, so she was in school, not that long. Couple months, everything shuts
down and she's back at home. She was a non-reader. She hadn't gone to school. She's eight years
old. She hadn't been to school. Not in the way that, that she needed to be on par with the other
students.
And course she didn't speak English yet. Now it's a fight to get her to speak Spanish. I kid you not,
but, and we do. I still, I'm like I don't know what you're saying. She's you understand me, and I'm
speaking her in Spanish and she's responding to me in English. That aside, of course, back then, now,
five years ago, almost six, yeah, almost six years ago. That was not the case. And so it was really
tough, but, and I'm working from, I've got now four. She's my fourth and final. So I've got four kids at
home. My husband's a first responder type, and I am running my law firm Advitam IP, the
intellectual property for my day job from home.
And what, every 15 minutes I gotta figure out what she's doing next. But that being said, when the
plate's full, you pull out the platter, right? This is, this is survival guide, right?
Candace Dellacona: So true. How do we survive the sandwich generation? This is how we add more
to our plate.
Michele Katz: Exactly, and by the way, the grandmothers did appear on both of these Columbia
trips, so we're talking about sandwich. So they were involved the, so we had three generations
involved in this. By the end of 2020, I had laid the foundation for the foundation. Name, branding, all
the things, launch plan. And then we launched in March of 2021. And the mission exactly right, like
you said, is to change the mindset. One, change the mindset around adoption. It's not a last resort.
It's a choice. A choice you make. And one of the ways to do that is to dispel fear. So there are a lot of
misconceptions about adoption. Let's get real with it. You don't know what you're gonna get no
matter what. Okay? We put in as many parameters, we can. And when we're trying to make these
decisions, and I've had kids, it feels like you know every which way. Maybe not every which way, but
more than one way. That is something we really focus on. And we even have a whole series on
Instagram called Plus One MythBusters that comes out, basically every Tuesday on Instagram. So
that was important to me. The other aspect was credible and vetted resources. How do we cut?
There's too much on the internet.
Candace Dellacona: Yes, yes.
Michele Katz: There's way too much. How do you know? Word of mouth. We trust friends. Can we
create a network or a database is another way to look at it, of, resources that people can trust. And
that's what we've done.
Candace Dellacona: Right. And so let's talk about that a little.
Navigating the Adoption Process
Candace Dellacona: You've made the decision to expand your family and the path that you're
choosing, that you've decided to embark upon is adoption. And I think, as the Sandwich Generation
Survival Guide podcast, what we try to do is provide resources to people, and that is what your
foundation is doing, where you're trying to level the playing field and make sure that the information
that people are actually accessing, is reliable and vetted. Let's say you're a person who's about to
start your adoption journey. Where do they begin? I've just, you know this personally. I've had family
members that have expanded their family through adoption and great friends who have done the
same.
And it seems like the. Pool is so full and getting through the noise is so complicated. There are
consultants, there are agencies, there are attorneys. So can you talk about a little how a family could
come to the foundation and try to help them figure out where to begin and where do you begin?
Michele Katz: Contact us. That's the first step. You can DM us through social, you can email us
through the website. So that's the first thing. But I'll tell you once we're talking, it's me, another
board member who's adopted, who's quite knowledgeable in the area as well. So what we do is the
first question is, what are you looking for?
What are the pros of adoption is that to some extent you can decide. So some people are like, I want
an infant. Okay, if that's what you want, then there's certain channels that are easier to get to reach
the goal. You wouldn't, we wouldn't necessarily recommend going international right now.
Candace Dellacona: Oh, so that's great. So knowing a little bit about what you're seeking helps you
forge the right path.
Michele Katz: Exactly. And budget, let's not kid around. Just like anything, you wanna know in
advance what the cost might be.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah,
Michele Katz: And some would argue like international versus domestic at this point, they may be on
par as far as expense and others would say not necessarily. So there are some of the depends, but
there's also a whole foster to adopt, which is very low cost in comparison to maybe hiring, a private
consultant and things like that.
And there's a hybrid of things. You can do multiple things. So people work with an agency, they
might also work with a consultant. And not all consultants and not all agencies are the same. Just
like when you're hiring, if someone was hiring an IP lawyer, you've gotta find the right match for
you.
It would be the same for consultants, for example, or agencies. And having a consultant I think is
quite helpful. To hold your hand through the process because we actually don't broker adoptions.
We provide resources that you can rely on. That's what we do.
Candace Dellacona: And that's really important, because when you enter into the picture of the
adoption journey, you're the guide holding the person's hands to help them find vetted
professionals. And I assume that you also unfortunately know about agencies, lawyers, and
consultants who maybe are not exactly on the up and up. Is that fair to say?
Michele Katz: That is just as valuable, knowing who not to go with than who to go with.
And yeah, when I do talk to people and if they're frustrated. They've already been through the
process. I would like to know who they are. We're not out there to bad mouth, but we certainly
wanna know that we're not recommending anyone on the bad list. So far so good. But it's true and
that is critical because our whole mission is to cut through it, there's so much out there.
You gotta cut through everything to get to the jam because people can spend years on research. You
don't wanna wait year. No. And you don't wanna spend, money unnecessarily. Who does? That
would be, ridiculous.
Candace Dellacona: Absolutely, and I think, from the perspective of starting a family, it's such an
emotional process and I think as with any decision that you're making that is so intertwined to
emotion and love and wanting to expand your family, sometimes it's hard for people to see the
forest through the trees.
Michele Katz: And we do tell people, you know it, we have a show that we put on via Instagram
every month called the Bright Side Live. And we interview someone who can support in some way
the adoption community. I'm the host. I'm the one asking the questions. It's basically this but
flipped. And it could be an adoptee, it could be an adoptive parent, it could be someone who is
actually working in the industry.
Candace Dellacona: Right.
Michele Katz: It could all, we had an energy healer on also to help parents and children.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah.
Michele Katz: Who've been through potentially trauma. We had a micro movement specialist.
Babies don't, especially adopted ones, maybe they didn't get enough belly time. And so all of those
things that we take for granted, they can stick with you your whole life from infancy. You don't even
know it.
And you're stuck. And so we've had all sorts of guests and they can be found right on the grid of our
Instagram, which is Plus One Adoption. And you'll know you're there if you see like a square with
that one little missing piece, like a Rubik's cube. And then, you're there and just scroll. And most of
them are half screens. And we're actually paused for a moment on the Brightside lives.
I don't know if you saw this, 'cause I know you follow us, Candace, but Instagram has a rule that if
you're not at a thousand, we were like at 800 something, then you can't do Instagram lives anymore.
So I was just, I hit start to interview the executive director at the Illinois Adoption Center, like super
helpful for the adoption community. We had to, we pivoted and we did a a zoom and we were able
to post that. But until we get a thousand, we actually won't be doing the live ones.
Candace Dellacona: But I think, with all that being said, I think, starting the journey is so important
and getting through the noise is important and finding that support and the vetted professionals.
Post-Placement Support and Resources
Candace Dellacona: But you just brought up something that is very unique to the adoption
foundation space, which is the post-placement need.
And think that is something that is really hard for a lot of parents of adopted children to talk about
openly because, we all want to be parents and particularly folks who could not perhaps birth their
own children, and they have been able to expand their family through adoption and there are
difficulties that arise. As with any parental situation, and that's, I think, so important to get out
there. To take the stigma away. Because even if you birth children, we both know you as someone
who has adopted children, who are your children and your birth children. Our kids can have all sorts
of issues.
And I think that there is a stigma that exists that people don't wanna talk about the difficulties that
you may have with those post placement needs because we're still grateful just like we are
otherwise. So tell us about those support resources that you've been able to provide for those who
have already had placement and they have needs?
Michele Katz: And especially if you have multiple kids, it's also the relationship between siblings.
Candace Dellacona: Yes.
Michele Katz: think about the fact that I had three and my youngest was the youngest for a while,
and then got displaced from that position. So it's not just parent to child, but also between the
siblings.
I would also point out that it's not necessarily a need. We're shifting that to a, want to want to
adopt, right? Because we encourage, there are a lot of children out there that need homes. Actually,
there are more of them, right? There, there are fewer people adopting.
We need to increase the number of people adopting and they, you don't have to need, they just
have to want. And when you.
Candace Dellacona: a great point, Michele, thank you for correcting me on that, that, just to clarify is
that there are so many children that have the, their need to be with a family, and we wanna to flip
the script and talk about the want. And again, changing the dialogue from an option to a choice.
Michele Katz: And when that child is placed with you, there might be some support from the agency
for some time, maybe. But it may not be exactly what you need, right? If they're coming to check
that the home's okay and all that, that's not actually what you, that's not what you
Candace Dellacona: Right.
Michele Katz: right? Attachment is really important. Kids that don't have the ability to attach
whether they're like genetically connected to their parents or not. Have problems later in life.
There's a lot of books on, on this and studies and so you want to obviously make the best situation
for your children.
And so working on attachment, we actually worked on it. We worked with a Thera play expert who I
actually interviewed as one of our Brightside lives. And that was actually in person and we were
doing some of the activities. In front of the camera so people, live recording so people could see
some of the activities. Some of it is as benign as just rubbing lotion on the child's hand, just like in a
little circle right on the top of the hand and on, and then doing the same, in the reverse, right? So
parent to child, child to parent. Other things were, wrapping the child in a blanket. Maybe you have
one parent or guardian on each, like on each side and swing 'em like a hammock. That was some, so
they feel secure, right? And so there's all these things I never would've necessarily thought to do
until I actually did Thera play and it was great. And so yes. Even if it's tutoring and thinking kids need
to catch up, sometimes you need tutors that are better suited, for if your child has, like mine who
struggled with math concepts and reading, you need extra help.
Candace Dellacona: And I think, what you bring up is important too, because, is a unique perspective
and perhaps a pediatrician is not going to bring these things up to you, that you have a different
perspective. And one of the amazing things about your foundation is that it provides parents the
reason for these things. Because maybe in their own orbit, they're the first to have grown their
family by adoption and they don't know things like this. So they can see a behavior or a trait or a
characteristic in their child and not put the dots together that it was derived from the adoption. So
can you talk about that too and how the foundation is so great at helping parents, A, connect the
community and provide this insight that they wouldn't otherwise have?
Michele Katz: I'm so glad you brought this up because one of our resources that there are
pediatricians that focus on adoption. I've even interviewed one, the adoption doc. She's great and
she does telehealth visits, so you don't even have to necessarily be, in, in the same city. And she can
help. And there are others like her. When we adopted the first time, we went to University of
Chicago and there was a doctor there who focused on adoption. It is, it was extremely helpful for
him to have that lens and helpful for us. Then of course, he moved away. And then it turned out that
our pediatrician, who we'd been working with is, and our daughter was older anyway at this point
and could, articulate and describe things as opposed to our infant daughter the first one with our
first adoption. But having someone to talk to just to even bounce it, to have to take a call. Who
focuses on adoption? Absolutely. So we even have resources in that category.
Community and Final Thoughts
Candace Dellacona: And that's amazing, right? Part of why I started this podcast, which you know a
lot of our listeners know, is to provide resources. And in providing those resources, we're creating a
sense of community. And I think that when you go through something and not everyone to the left
and right of you have gone through that, it can feel lonely.
And it can feel isolating. Creating the foundation in the way that you have, especially with your
perspective, Michele. And just to give you props, as a lawyer we sometimes look at things maybe
more logically and solving a problem. Probably you more so than me, because you're intellectual
property and definitely more science minded than I am.
But it's really this beautiful community that you've been able. To create with the platform to provide
the resources also. So having this community surrounding you that will, provide perspective parents
with this really warm hug of resources and the feeling of not alone is just so remarkable. And that's
the best thing that you've done, with this foundation. So I really applaud you on that.
Michele Katz: Thank you. And it's a passion project. I don't, this is not a paid position. And the board
members also. We have a full board, we have quarterly meetings. It's a 5 0 1 C3. It's legit. And we're
almost four and a half years old or so now, and I feel like we're really making an impact.
We even had on one of the, mentioning the Brightside Live again, we even had someone we help.
Who used one of our resources ended up adopting an infant as they wanted to, and then she came
on the show to talk about her experience. And so it, it was like a full circle moment, like we did it or
we're doing it. It's not enough. I never feel like we're doing enough. And also just, it's one thing, we
have a mission, we're trying to do what we wanna do, but it's also very fulfilling for me. To know that
we are making an impact in this space, that we're moving the needle which is very important.
And we joke, so I have a private wine label. I don't know if we've ever actually even talked about
this.
Candace Dellacona: No. No.
Michele Katz: I'm a sommelier also just for hobby. My husband too. But I really have always enjoyed
wine and what pairs better than wine and parenting. So I started my own private wine label. It's
called Wine for Good. Trademark registered, as well as the copyright for the label of the bottle.
Unfortunately I don't have any of the bottles with me now to show you, but we're working on our
next wine will be coming out and probably realistically, probably in another couple months. But if
people wanna keep an eye out for it, they can actually buy the bottles, a percentage goes to, to fund
the foundation. So if you're buying gifts and that kind of thing, people do care about, I know I do, if
I'm gonna be buying gifts anyway, I might as well know that it's going to support a good cause.
Candace Dellacona: Yes.
Michele Katz: and yeah. So that's coming out. We have a small batch from last year. This one's a
little bit bigger. And so we'll just, we'll see how it goes. And all that is to say is cheers to Wine for
Good and Plus One Adoption Foundation. And I appreciate, anyone listening and thank you, for
having me on to share the message on this.
Candace Dellacona: Michele, as a mom, as a partner, a spouse, the founder of this amazing
nonprofit, a sommelier. You do it all. And, thinking about being stuck in the middle and trying to
prioritize. You've certainly provided a great example of someone who is making their way through
and trying to make it easier for those who come after us, certainly in the adoption space.
I really admire you so much and for everyone out there listening, please go give Plus One Adoption
Foundation a follow on Instagram, on Facebook. And if you're feeling charitable, I know Michele
would appreciate the donations and to buy a bottle of wine. Now that we know that she's a
sommelier.
And for all of those families out there who are thinking about making the choice to adopt, you have
a guidebook with Plus One Adoption Foundation. You have the resources now and we're so happy to
share them. So thank you so much for joining us today, Michele.
Michele Katz: My pleasure. Thank you for having me.
