Podcast transcript:
Marshall Faulk on Resilience, Reinvention, and Choosing Discipline Over Comfort
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Welcome and Guest Intro
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Candace Dellacona: Hey, survivors. If you've ever wondered how to face life's challenges with resilience and help the next generation do the same, this episode is for you. I am joined by NFL Hall of Famer Marshall Faulk. Get comfortable. It is a good one.
Candace Dellacona: Welcome to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide. I am your host, Candace Dellacona. Today's guest is a football legend whose impact continues to reach far beyond the game. Marshall Faulk is a Pro Football Hall of Famer, NFL MVP, Super Bowl champion, one of the greatest running backs in the history of the NFL.
I hope that's making you blush, Marshall. But what is making Marshall's story especially relevant to our audience on the Sandwich Generation is his ability to navigate change, to leverage his knowledge in the business world, embrace new career opportunities long after his playing career ended. So like many of us in the Sandwich Generation, Marshall understands the challenges of balancing family responsibilities, career transitions, and the desire to build a meaningful next chapter.
So today, we are talking about life after the NFL, Marshall's lessons in resilience, mentorship, leadership, and what he has learned through the pivots of his remarkable journey thus far. Welcome to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide, Marshall.
Marshall Faulk: Nah, thanks for having me.
Candace Dellacona: Sorry for the long intro, but you know, you deserve it.
We had to go over all of it. So
Marshall Faulk: it is okay
Candace Dellacona: Yeah, I'm really happy to have you here.
What Sandwich Generation Means
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Candace Dellacona: I'm gonna just jump right into you and the sandwich generation and talk about the combination of the two and why I think you have so much knowledge to impart to our listeners. Most people know you as a Hall of Fame running back, but today we're talking about your life and all of your other roles.
So tell me, when you hear the term the sandwich generation, what does it mean to you? And do you have a role in the sandwich?
Marshall Faulk: Th- definitely I believe I'm the meat in the sandwich. That's, that's what I feel like I am. And just understanding the term and what comes with it. It's it's something that when we look at our parents, we look at who we are, and then we look at our kids we understand the dynamic, and you get a chance to, I think at some point in time, to be each part of the sandwich and experience what we go through and and kinda coin using the term sandwich generation.
But without a doubt all of this is being set forth and that's what we do it, is just to educate ourselves and to educate each other, and just to have the conversations around these things to make sure that the stuff that's necessary the things that that, that need to be taken care of, that we take care of them and that we do them.
Because everybody, everybody... No- nobody's saying that they wanna live a crappy life, saying that they don't wanna live a legacy, leave a legacy, and saying that they don't want the world better for their kids or just a better place than they were before they got here. So we all wanna do the same things.
We all want the same things, and some of us, we go about it differently
Candace Dellacona: It's true. I think a lot of the discussion around sandwich generation, we talk about the logistics, right? The, advocating, the being in the middle, the time pressure, trying to find time in our day. But a big part of the sandwich generation is identity and figuring out where you are in that.
And I think especially for someone like you, having been known as one thing in particular and then transitioning into these different roles... even the way that we met, obviously, was in the business world through insurance. You have insight on legacy and making sure that everyone is organized and they have the right documents in place.
You live that life. You walk that walk.
Caring for Mom and Kids
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Candace Dellacona: But, when you think about listeners who are caring for aging parents and extended family members, how do you take that into your own life? Have you experienced that kind of pressure of raising kids and advocating for elders?
Marshall Faulk: Yeah, without a doubt. I mean, I had the privilege of taking care of my mom once, once I retired her and she got old. And with that comes a burden. There's some pressures. And I remember a friend telling me and reminding me because sometimes we take on the burden and we forget that if you're taking care of your parent, that's a luxury.
That's not something that you should be responsible for. But it's a luxury that if you have it, you do it. And that's how I always looked at it. I was like it's actually my honor and pleasure that I have the luxury of my life to take care of my mom and make sure that she retires and that she has the life that she has."
And a lot of us, a lot of people don't get a chance to do that. It shouldn't be looked at as a burden, and then with my kids it's my duty and responsibility to make sure that they grow up and have I wanna say a better life. It, it-- and let me-- and I change that now. I used to just say a better life, a better opportunity in life than what I had growing up because to have a better life than me, when I look at the life that I've lived and the things that I've done, that may be too much pressure on them.
But if I just say a better opportunity, then that gives them the liberty to go out and not feel like they have to live up to my expectations and what I've done and and meet some outlandish, outlandish requirement that people put on you because so and so is your father, so and so is your mother.
A lot of times that's not fair to them, but it's the world that we live in
Candace Dellacona: You know what? You're right, Marshall, and I think even those of us who didn't have, a Hall of Famer as our parent or as our model, trying to find your own way and your own identity is always the process of humanity which we all go through. And it's interesting that you're bringing up that identity piece and your life as an athlete and having your kids look at that.
Life After the NFL
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Candace Dellacona: So let's talk a little bit about your role transitioning from the NFL into the next phase of life. Athletes, as you know, you're a coach now too, and we're gonna get to that, but they spend their life often pursuing this sort of one goal and, trying to be the best at whatever that is, and then one day that part of life is over.
So what was the hardest part for you transitioning out of the NFL?
Marshall Faulk: The hardest part is realizing that it's over. The identity crisis that comes with that. And most of us I know for me, I started playing football when I was like five or six years old, and I retired when I was 33. And if you look at other careers that people have, a doctor can see less patients, a lawyer can take less cases.
Every other profession, there's something that you can do. Even... I love playing golf. Even a golfer, you go to the senior tour, it's
like There's no, there's nowhere for us football players to go. If you play five-on-five NBA basketball, you can go play three-on-three.
But there's just not a place for us to go and and most people choose coaching. But it's not the same. It's not the same, and that identity crisis, it exists. I'm gonna tell you this, to walk inside of a stadium with 60,000, 70,000 people and know that you have their pulse. If we're at home, I can make you scream and cheer.
If we're on the road, I can make you boo. We have their pulse, and then one day it's over, and you have to deal with that. And then you have to find-- you have to just reintegrate yourself into this other world and that other world is a world that we haven't met, and you have to take it on, you know?
'Cause there's some humility in it that some people are not gonna know who you are. Some people don't, they don't know football. And what you have to have the capabilities to do is to meet people on common ground have original conversation and be okay with proving to people that you know what you know and that you-- that whatever it is that you're setting out to do, that it is something that you're just as dedicated to doing as you were when you did football.
And then once you give into that, then all the things that made you good at what you did, playing football, whatever position you played, you could then use those as-assets and those skill sets, those interpersonal things to then be successful at whatever you set out to do. Because in life, winning is winning.
It doesn't matter. It d- doesn't matter. If you've won, and I antiquate getting to the NFL as a win. You're a one percenter.
Candace Dellacona: kidding.
Marshall Faulk: jobs, 32 teams
Candace Dellacona: Yeah
Marshall Faulk: And when you go into the millions of kids that played that wanna play pro you're a winner.
And we are winners. Everybody don't get to the pinnacle of winning, but Getting to the NFL, surviving the NFL, having a long career in the NFL you know
some
Candace Dellacona: Super Bowl? Yeah,
all of
Marshall Faulk: all of those things, you know some stuff, but it just it takes you a while to learn how to transition that into the real world.
Because in the real world, a lot of things aren't finite. See, you could work in sales and do 70%, 60%, 80%. Well, in our world, at the end of the day, you either won or you lost. That's it.
Candace Dellacona: And, you bring up a really important point, Marshall, that I hadn't thought about before, that particularly as a professional athlete who was a football player, there is no transition out. You're either playing and you're in it, or you're out, you're retired. And that is an abrupt end that a lot of us don't have to deal with.
Therapy and Staying Busy
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Candace Dellacona: So how did, when you moved from the NFL and you found your sort of next thing, did it take others more time than you to catch up with your identity? Or were you ahead of the game? Were they ahead of the game?
Marshall Faulk: It, l- it varies. I was lucky enough that I got into television while I played. It was one of the acceptable things that you could do that didn't mean you weren't committed to football, was talking about football and stuff like that. At times when, let's say you were hurt or if you didn't make the playoffs stepping into the role of analyst and sharing your insight that was a huge part of it.
But even then, there's nothing to mentally prepare you for when it's over. It's that's a, that's... it's just tough. And it's not over because because I want it to be, it's just it's a young man's game. It's time. And I'm glad that I walked away when I was ready. I wasn't cut.
Nobody told me it was it. I decided that, you know, "Hey, you know what? It's time for me to walk away." And a lot of guys we, or I shouldn't say a lot of guys, we, we need help with that. There, there needs to be some therapy around what's life after football. Not falling into the drugs or alcohol or the depressions of not being...
Because I'ma tell you this, in all honesty, Candace, the first off-season when everybody else went back to camp and I wasn't going to camp for the first time, that was weird.
Candace Dellacona: I'll bet
Marshall Faulk: and I needed to have some conversations because emotionally I was going through some things. I felt like I was being left behind or I wasn't complete.
And you have to find a different way to l- to live your life and to grow and to expand. But man, you wanna talk about, you wanna talk about something that's traumatic is, and this is this is why Tom Brady played till he was the age that he was, and then you, "Oh, okay. Yeah, I'ma go spend time with my kids."
No, I'ma go do television and spend another, and you gotta stay busy. You have to stay busy because, your brain... I always say this, if you watch a older person they can work forever, and it's amazing that the minute that they retire something tragic happens to a degree,
Candace Dellacona: It can, you're right. And I think you're right, taking the skills that you honed for these decades in this sport in which you excelled and applying them in life, but still recognizing that you have to give yourself the emotional time to catch up and mourn the end of something that was your passion, that you were so good at, that hundreds of thousands of people admired you for.
So I can't even imagine the sort of identity crisis, if you will, that goes into
Marshall Faulk: it is.
Candace Dellacona: it's
Marshall Faulk: That's what it is.
Candace Dellacona: right? So like,
when you...
Marshall Faulk: that's exactly what it is
Be Present to Move Forward
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Candace Dellacona: Yeah, so Marshall, advice for an athlete or advice for any of us in the sandwich trying to be, we're in between, we're stuck between who we once were and who we're becoming.
What is your advice? What is the Marshall Faulk advice? By the way, if anyone is, listening to this and doesn't follow Marshall on social media, particularly Instagram, Marshall, your posts are incredible because they're snackable comments and inspiring messages. So this is right in your wheelhouse, giving us advice for those who feel stuck between the roles.
How do we do it? How do we find our way?
Marshall Faulk: You have to and this is a necessity in life. You have to be satisfied with what you once were to let that go so you can become who you're going to be. a lot of times we wish we coulda... you, you harp on the mistakes that you made in the past and it doesn't allow you to be successful in the present.
It's extremely hard, it's like a lot of unsuccessful people live in two places. They live in the past or they live in the future. Successful people live in the present, and that's where you have to be, and that's a thing that we struggle with. We struggle with our present.
You know, we struggle with being present. Yeah
Candace Dellacona: It's a, it's almost like a cultural phenomenon, right? Where I think as Americans too, we're always looking ahead or looking behind, but, finding the ability to be present where you are. You touched on that when you were, caring for your mom and trying to refocus by looking at it as a gift and not as something you have to do, and just being present in that moment.
It's definitely something I struggle with, for sure. So
Marshall Faulk: The delusion that we get is in the future, is in the past because when you're in delusion, it's because you don't accept your reality. Your reality is in your present, like where you are at. That's where you-- Oh, you know what? In 10 years, in five years, I'm gonna be here.
No, no, no. Where are you now? Are you-- Like, let's be there and understand and deal with what's in front of us and be present
Candace Dellacona: It's so much more manageable when you think of it that way, to really think about what your circumstance is now rather than putting energy into worrying about what may never become.
Marshall Faulk: Yeah. Yeah
Redefining Success and People
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Candace Dellacona: As you're further along in life and further along in your various careers, Marshall, has your definition of success changed over time?
Marshall Faulk: I wouldn't say it changed. I just think that now that I've worked in a kinda gray area of life kinda in the world playing professional sports is very black and white. It's at the end of the day, you win or you lose.
And when you lose, it doesn't matter how well you did. It's like it's wins and losses, and then we get into the world of percentages, 60%, 70%, 80%, and it's real gray.
And so in, in that case learning how to deal with people whom whom don't have goals and dreams or they're just like, they're just casual about life, not understanding that casual people become casualties, and you can't just go around life being casual. So accepting that some people are and giving them the space to be that regardless of what they think and what I think, meeting people where they are at, not allowing my A-type personality for success and high-level stuff to, to drive me away from understanding another person, where they're at, what they do, and how they do it, it may be different than how I see it and how I do it.
It's taken some time
Candace Dellacona: I'll bet it has. Listen, that's a very evolved way of looking at it, where you just allow other people to have their own journey and try not to put your stuff on them or your expectation on them. Some- it's hard to do, especially when you think about families that are rallying around and trying to deal with all of these issues that we're dealing with in the in between.
But it goes back to, and is very consistent with, your lesson of being present and, dealing with the now. It all tracks. When you think about maybe the lessons that you're able to impart to your own kids or, the kids on Southern University who will soon have Marshall Faulk as their head coach, or already do, 'cause I'm sure you're already practicing.
What lessons from your years of football have proven the most valuable outside of football? Whether it's, as an insurance executive, being an on-air personality, podcast host any number of things, assisting coach with the great Deion Sanders. What are those lessons that you think have been the most helpful and translate no matter who you are and what identity you're wearing?
Marshall Faulk: I think the number one thing is being confident in who I am and who I wanna be, and not allowing anyone to drive the narrative about that. I think sometimes we get caught up in the peer pressures of what we're supposed to be or what we should be, and and through that you end up being lost.
I think dealing with adversity in a-- in the game, you're gonna get hurt. You're gonna be young. You're not gonna be that good. You're gonna be old. You're not gonna be too good. You're not gonna be good enough. And then there's gonna be times that you might spin that you're the best in the league or the best in the business.
But just managing all of that, and don't allowing it to be your driving force. Your driving force has to be why are you here? What are you here for? What do you wanna accomplish? And you allow the media to be the media, which is they're gonna hype you up when you're good, and they're gonna slam you when you're bad.
And the reality is, when they hype you up, you're really not that good, and when they slam you down, you're really not that bad.
Candace Dellacona: That's a tough lesson. Listen, but you're right. Allowing other people to create a narrative for you rather than you taking control of your own narrative is definitely something that you live by. So it's great advice to receive. What's the best piece of advice that you can remember that you received from your mom or a coach or a mentor that stayed with you?
Marshall Faulk: Yeah, and this stays with me to this day, and I think I'll carry it for the rest of my life. And it's just understanding things around you and how things are going. And I was young when my high school coach told this to me. He said "If you ever travel with him down the road and there's no speed bumps, you're probably headed for a dead end."
And at the time, I was like, "Oh, this has no meaning." And as I got older, I realized success comes through adversity. Hard times, like hard times builds strong people. Soft times build weak people. And what we end up doing is tough people, we have a tough time being tough on the people that we love, and that's and that's a recipe for destruction for our kids when we expect them to be tough because they have our DNA, but we don't put them through the tough times that we went through that made us who we are. Always understand that there's a perspective when you're going through something.
There's, there should be a challenge. There should be some adversity. Nothing's for free in this world. And if it is, then you need to look around you and figure out who to thank because somebody took the lump. They paid the dummy tax, or they did something for you to have it the way you have it, because more times than not, if that's not the case, then the adversity, the challenging time, the taxes you have to pay, it's coming.
Candace Dellacona: So I love what you just said because I think, Marshall, a lot of parents think about what they went through and, you brought it up before, that you want your kids to have it better than we did, right? We all want that for our kids. I think that's part of the human condition as a parent.
But removing every obstacle is not gonna help them. And, particularly when you have resources, when you are Marshall Faulk or you're Candace Dellacona or whomever in the world that has access to people or resources, it's really hard not to remove those obstacles and let them fall. And I think a lot of that, comes in handy as one things that you can certainly give your kids is the modeling that you've done, that you have faced adversity, and look who you are because of it and in spite of it, which is a lesson in and of itself.
Coaching at Southern University
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Candace Dellacona: And now you're headed into this head coach role. So I wanna go into that a little bit, 'cause it is related to being a parent and setting forth this example, right?
Marshall Faulk: It is. It's totally connected. One of the things that I did was I wanted every parent of the kids that I recruited on the teams that-- the team that I'm on to know that "Listen there's times that I'm not gonna wanna hear from you, and I'll share those times with you, but you should have my contact.
You should be able to directly reach out to me because I have your kid. I'm-- your kid is with me, and I won't take that away from you, and I just hope you don't abuse the fact that you have a direct line to me, and respect that. You can call me to find out how he's doing in school, how he's doing off the field, but you cannot call me to find out why he's not playing."
Those things will not be accepted.
Candace Dellacona: Two different things.
Marshall Faulk: Two-- it's two different things. And it's just-- it's important that as parents you know that because I get a chance to affect and infect their kid with so much. And I choose to to use more personal stories, knowledge, and challenges that I've had to help them get to where they wanna get to, because a lot of times, especially in today's world, 'cause we have so many coaches, so many people wanna be coaches, and half the people who wanna be coaches, they've never been either coached or been any place to...
with any accolades to even be a coach, but they-- yet they wanna coach people. And I-- and, with-without being narcissistic, I'm like I tell the kids I've been, and I am at where you wanna be." I have some street creds,
Candace Dellacona: I think that will serve you for a number of reasons. And the, for the listeners that don't know, I don't know how they wouldn't, Southern University is the largest historically Black university in the state of Louisiana. You have a Division I program, and so you have to be excited about this opportunity.
So what so far, especially as you've built out your bench and you're, headed into really heavy rotation of practicing, what's been the most difficult or maybe the most unexpected part of being a head coach, 'cause you've already coached, being a head coach that you didn't deal with before?
Marshall Faulk: I didn't have any expectations, and it's hard for me to say right now what's difficult because it's all still n- I'm still in the honeymoon phase. I would probably say the challenge of today's athlete wanting money
Candace Dellacona: Hmm
Marshall Faulk: Without having done anything yet. It's a little, it's a little different, but it's the landscape for the kids, and I understand.
I get it, and I don't hold that against them. I really do understand exactly where they are at. The part that I that I like the most is, And I kind of forgot what this was like, Candace. I forgot what the college scholarship did for me.
I forgot the opportunity that it gave me, and a kid that I offered a scholarship to, to listen to him cry, to listen to his, the, to-- when we were on Zoom, and to see his mom cry because it's life-altering. And I forgot what that was like. I forgot how big of a step that was in my life, and it shook me. And I was like, "This is why I'm here."
Candace Dellacona: Ugh, I love that
Marshall Faulk: like this kid, he would not be able to afford college, could not... and it's like I get reminded of that. I had a kid who, he was a walk-on two years ago, and he's probably my second-best wide receiver, and he'd work his butt off.
And he's like a three point nine in school, and he had a partial scholarship, and I gave him a full ride. And he just sat there and just broke down and cried. He was like, "I was wondering how I was gonna pay for the other half of school, Coach."
Candace Dellacona: How great does it feel, Marshall, for you to be the person delivering that news, being part of that moment that will be the moment that probably they will remember
Marshall Faulk: Yeah. Yeah, and I tell them, I said, "Listen this job means a lot to me from the relationship perspective," and I wish that when they get married or when they graduate or when they do things in life the same way I do with the coaches in my life, I call them and I talk to them, and I'm still friends with them, and I check on them.
I wanna have that kind of relationship, it's... here's what's ironic. The guy who recruited me and offered me a scholarship his name is Curtis Johnson. He's on my staff, so he's my assistant head coach, and like I told him I wouldn't take the job without him being a part of It
Candace Dellacona: It is full circle
Marshall Faulk: a... Yeah, it is. It is the fact that we get to do this together now, and I owe the fact that he was just-- decided to recruit Louisiana, New Orleans area and saw me at a game and decided to offer me a scholarship, and it changed my life. And so now we get to do that together
Candace Dellacona: There's nothing more beautiful than that. So when you look back as a young athlete yourself when you were in college, or even when you were in high school, is there something that you wish a coach would've said to you or imparted to you that you will make sure to do the same for your athletes at Southern?
Marshall Faulk: Not so much in, in that case. I look at it the other way. I think about all the things that my coaches did say,
Candace Dellacona: Love it.
Marshall Faulk: and I'm im- I'm imparting that wisdom. It's easy to look for what's not there,
but what I do is the glass is full. It's not half full, it's full, and I get to share.
I get to share with these kids the amazing the amazing lessons that I've learned, things that I was taught, how coaches helped me, and to let them know that I didn't do it perfect. I messed up along the way. 'Cause a lot of times people pontificate about how well they did stuff and how amazing it is, and y- and you can lose people without letting them know about the struggle, and I just, I want you to know about the struggle because it's real
Candace Dellacona: The struggle is so important too, right? 'Cause you're right you, when you think of what people know you for, it's the end. It's the part where you were already amazing. It's not the time that led up to Marshall being amazing and winning the Super Bowl, all of the hours that you put in to hone your craft and keep your grades up, and grind, and did everything you had to do.
Discipline Builds Winners
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Candace Dellacona: So how do you show that to the athletes to say, "Listen, what you know of me is only part of the story"? What's the mindset or the habit that you think that a young athlete should know to help navigate to get there?
Marshall Faulk: Yeah. I, I talk about, I w- you know, my word with them, and I and I believe the word for successful people is your disciplines are what, what's going to not allow outsiders to judge you, and that's the facts of life. It's it's not about what you do on Sunday on game day, it's about what you do Monday to Saturday.
And if you're disciplined and you do what you're supposed to do, whatever the outcome is on Sunday, you'll be able to handle it. Win, lose, if you're the reason why you lose, if somebody else is the reason why you lose, none of that stuff will matter if you are disciplined and you do the things that you're supposed to do.
A lot of kids, they lack discipline.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah
Marshall Faulk: all over the place. They wanna do a bunch of things. They don't wanna commit to whatever it is that they're doing and they wanna be everywhere. And if you're everywhere, then you're nowhere.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah, it's true. The discipline is such a big part of it, and I think that that's great advice for anyone navigating life and making sure that you have the right boundaries. I think boundaries are a big part of what you're talking about, too, because if you have the discipline and you know where you wanna be, you have to set limitations for other people, either from not taking from you or you not giving what is going to distract you from whatever your goal is, whether it's professional football or, like you, having a, this illustrative career in media and being the smartest person I know in insurance.
So I love that.
Discipline Over Comfort
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Candace Dellacona: I will ask you one last question, Marshall, 'cause I know how busy you are. Our audience spends so much time taking care of everyone else, and I think a lot of young athletes go through this, too. We've talked about how for young athletes, they have access often to resources.
So even though if you look at the metrics of the sandwich generation, they are in it because they have resources in their family. And so I like to broaden the lens of the sandwich generation to say it really applies to anybody that feels like they're spending a lot of time taking care of everyone else.
So what is the one thing that you can impart to us that you've learned about, whether it's resilience or self-care or staying grounded, when life is pulling you in a dozen different directions, you have one word of advice for us on how we navigate that?
Marshall Faulk: I can't say one word of advice, but it's just something that I live by. Discipline over comfort.
Candace Dellacona: Hmm.
Marshall Faulk: Comfort is something that we always shoot for, we strive for, but it's just not a place we want to be. You wanna be discipline over comfort. I choose it every time. Every time. And I believe there's ways to handle things, and you have to figure out. When you're dealing with kids, you confront, you challenge, you praise them right, and you correct when they're wrong. And if you do that, then everything that you decide to do and everything that you want, whether it's in family, whether you're mentoring people, you'll have all that you need.
It's through faith and patience. You win,
Candace Dellacona: Yeah.
Marshall Faulk: and that's it.
Wrap Up and Subscribe
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Candace Dellacona: What a better way to end other than to say we need everyone to go out and buy the Southern merch. We all need hats. We need to support Coach Faulk as he enters his next chapter of head coach. So thank you so much, Marshall, for spending some time with me today and, sharing your wisdom with us.
I'm really grateful to you and for you being here today
Marshall Faulk: No, thank you for having me on.
Candace Dellacona: Hey, survivors. Be sure to follow and subscribe to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. We're back with new conversations on the first and third Tuesdays of every month. If you're finding value in the show, I'd be grateful if you left a five-star review and shared it with other survivors navigating this season of life known as the sandwich generation.
For resources and a full library of past episodes, visit sandwichgenerationlaw.com. Follow the conversation on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at sandwichgenerationpodcast. Until next time, take care of yourself while surviving and hopefully thriving in the sandwich generation
